and on the subject of movies ...

M. Night Shyamalan should do a remake of "Soylent Green." Think about it: it's right up his alley. And we're due for a remake of "Soylent Green" by somebody. And let's face it, this guy's in a slump. Has he sent anything to the box office since "Signs" that hasn't been mocked and jeered by surprise twist-weary viewers? And now he's got this "Last Airbender" thing coming out. Can you say "CGI-heavy?" Even though it hasn't been released yet, I'm gonna guess the big plot twist right now: the main character can bend air.

The big question regarding the "Soylent Green" remake, obviously, is who would play the Charlton Heston role. I ... I don't have a good answer for that. But I'll tell you what: I want M. Night to make some sort of cameo appearance. Promise me that, M. Night! You're the friggin' modern-day Hitchcock of suspense-movie cameo actor-directors! Your turn as a small-time drug dealer in "Unbreakable": so convincing. And plausible, too! The last time I was in Philadelphia, the streets were just crawlin' with East Indian-American drug dealers. Sheesh ...

one for the ladies

Don't know if you heard, but a lady finally won the Oscar for Best Director! And in doing so, she beat out her famous ex-husband. That's so cute ...

big in japan

News flash: Mad City is #31 Blog in Japan for the month of February! I'm not sure how this happened, but I'm not going to question it. And while #31 may not seem like such a big deal, keep in mind that Japan is a deceptively populous country, and very tech-oriented. It's kind of like being #17 Blog over here in the States.

Another news flash: with this unexpected celebrity, I'm currently working on some endorsement deals. Just like the Huffington Post. You may see a few ads sprinkled through Mad City in the next few months, no big whoop. I've been having some talks with Kikkoman soy sauce, Asahi beer, the newspaper Nikkei Weekly, and Daiwa Seiko fishing tackle.

Bring out the flavor in your stir fry tonight! Kikkoman soy sauce. Works great on sushi, too.

joke of the day #8

We all know what happens when you "assume" something, right? You make an "ass" out of "u" and "me." So ... what happens when you "presume" something?

the aquarium for adults

There's a pretty cool aquarium in Atlanta, which I visited during my recent swing through town. I can't remember the name of it (Atlanta Aquarium?), but it's right next to the Coca-Cola Museum. Anyhow, I digress. I came up with a great idea during my visit: aquariums for adults.

You see, I've visited a decent number of aquariums over the years, and the one consistent theme (other than fish and sealife, ha ha) is kids. They're usually crawling with kids! I have a theory about why this is, which I won't elaborate on now, but which I do have a name for: the "Nemo effect." And don't get me wrong, I think it's great that kids are showing an interest in marine biology. Hopefully, the next generation will discover all kinds of new and exciting tropical fish to add to our home aquariums. But still ... wouldn't it be nice to enjoy the fish, once in a while, without getting overrun by rugrats?

Here's what I'm thinking: a place with no child-oriented displays like starfish petting areas and penguin feeding times. This would be strictly about serious fish, like hake. And there would be docents from nearby universities to give insightful, detailed talks about various topics that kids might consider too boring, like the importance of kelp in marine ecosystems. And Jacques Cousteau! There'd be plenty of memorabilia and tributes to the late, great oceanographer. Most kids don't know JC from SpongeBob, which is probably why you don't even see a picture of him in most aquariums. Also, anyone who yelled excitedly at anything in an exhibit, or moved around at anything faster than a brisk walk, would be escorted from the premises. The aquarium for adults would be as quiet as a library.

And finally, instead of a family-themed restaurant, there'd be a lounge where you could get a couple stiff drinks and a lap dance. Because why not? This is an aquarium for adults, after all. And after listening to a bunch of talk about kelp, you'd probably deserve some kind of award.

All right, just throwing it out there. Testing the waters, so to speak. Keep in mind, though, that a lot of great ideas start small. And if in 10 years, you find yourself milling around in an adult aquarium, just remember where you heard the idea first ...

on "the road"

I don't know why, but I've always been a sucker for the apocalypse. Maybe it's from growing up under the shadow of the Cold War. Remember "The Day After?" I was in early high school when that came out. Damn. And then you've got "The Road Warrior," which was simply one of the greatest movies of all time. And there's a few other great works with an apocalyptic theme, but I can't think of them right now. (And no, I'm not including either "The Postman" or "Water World.")

When I heard about "The Road," the recent movie with Viggo Mortensen as a nameless man trying to protect his young son in a post-apocalyptic wasteland, I was intrigued enough to track down and read the novel by Cormac McCarthy first. And really, it's a great book. I've been meaning to start reading some of Cormac McCarthy's stuff for a while now, so it worked out real well. And then I saw the movie a couple nights ago. My thoughts:

Well, it's always tough to be impartial about a movie when you've just read the book and formulated some pretty strong images of what you expect the movie will be like. And I had some very specific images, knowing that the guy from LOTR would play the main role. I wasn't expecting hobbits or anything like that, but ... it could've been better. It was all right, not too bad. I hate to be critical of child actors, but the kid who plays the son was no Dakota Fanning. But he was no Scott Baio either. Know what I mean?

The biggest thing that the movie lacked: the main character's resourcefulness. That was one of the facets of the book that made it so vivid and interesting - the shrewdness and survival instincts of this anonymous man who's been able to keep both himself and his son alive for years in a world where the sun is blotted out and nothing goes. Can't hunt for food, can't grow food. Can't collect nuts and berries. What would you do? Not to spoil it for anyone, but let's just say that *some* of the people in the book do pretty bad things. But not Viggo's character.

And I would have to say that Cormac McCarthy gets the post-apocalyptic world just about perfectly. It's hard to argue with the way that he depicts anything. He's a damn good writer. I have a few technical quibbles with the way he writes (primarily his overuse of the word "lave"), but really they're just quibbles. I'll be going back for more! I hear he's got a book about the early drug trade back in the 80's that's kinda interesting. Goes by the title of "No Country for Old Men." Maybe they should think about making it into a movie ...

a slight modification

There's been a slight change to Mad City's new feature, "The Daily Schadenfreude." It will run only on certain Fridays, not every week, and will henceforth be called "Schäden-friday." What better way to start your weekend than with a delicious dose of someone else's misfortune? That's the theory behind it, anyways.

The format will otherwise remain the same. The column will continue to have a snarky tone and focus on a somewhat loathable character, and it will continue to close with the catchphrase, "Boo yah! That's schädenfreude."

Props to my friend B-Phat for introducing me to the wonders of SDF. All right, that's it. Peace out.