american cheese

American cheese is kind of disgusting. I don't mean to be unpatriotic or anything - it's just a fact. Why the #%$&! would anyone ever order American cheese, on anything? Get cheddar instead.

short & pithy

In an effort to make this blog more readable, I plan to write more short, pithy things from here on out. I'll still compose the occasional doozy about touch-typing and other interesting subjects; but I think the ultimate key to readability, and capturing people's attention, is shortness and pithiness. Or ... I guess that's two keys.

There are two keys to capturing people's attention: shortness, and pithiness. But on top of that, you also need something worth saying. If you know what I mean. I've always striven for that, and I do think I have my finger on the pulse of the national spirit, but I also have to consider that my readers may not necessarily reflect the -

This one's totally getting away from me. Fuck it! Short & pithy, and damn the hindmost ...

touch typing

This is probably going to amaze most of you, especially given my blogging prowess, but I don't know how to touch-type. It's a long story, which I'll summarize for you here:

Back when I was in high school, hardly anyone had personal computers. And the only people who took typing in high school were girls headed for secretarial careers. So I really had no incentive to learn how to type (at least, that I could think of).

Once I got to college ... well, yeah. I had to write papers more frequently, and they were longer papers. But what was I going to do: drop a history of language class to take typing? Or take a semester off to learn how to type on my own? Not to mention, I still didn't have a personal computer at that point, and the Internet hadn't even been invented by Al Gore yet. So I just kept on banging out my papers (on an electric typewriter, no less) all through college. Though I did finally switch to writing on a computer, at the computer center, for my senior thesis.

1994: I decide to go back to school, to do pre-med.

1995: I start my post-baccalaureate studies at UW. Still don't have my own computer yet, or even an email account. I do get email after a couple months back in college.

OK, this is taking forever. Let's flash-forward to 2010: I've been getting by more or less OK with my touch-typing. I'm quite accurate - hardly ever make typos - and would estimate my wpm at around 35-40. But I have to periodically look at the keyboard when I'm typing, and that's a huge hindrance. And there's a chance that I'll have to start typing a whole lot (patient visits, etc) once I get a permanent job.

So, I've bought myself a self-help CD called Typing Instructor and I'm working on it. But it's tough! And I get demoralized pretty easy. I'd say the book's out right now on whether I'll become a real typist before I start working 60-80 hrs/week at a full-time job. Keep me in your thoughts, people! Just remember: the better I type, the more I blog. Oh, and one other thing: make sure your kids start learning how to type at a young age. Like, before puberty. Because once puberty hits, there's gonna be all sorts of distractions. All right, peace out ...

election recap

I think a lot of people are expecting me to blog extensively about the recent elections in the US, given my occasional political bent. But I'm not sure if anyone's even reading this blog anymore, so I don't see the point. In effect, I'm turning it into my own personal online journal, to refer back to from time to time whenever I get whimsical about the recent past. And besides, I've got more important issues to cover right now. See below ...

our amazing language

One of the cool things about the English language is that it continues to grow and adapt to our changing world. Here's an example: "sitcom." What started off as a shorthand term for a "situation comedy" is now an official word! That's pretty cool. And other words have followed, like "dramedy" and "staycation" and "bridezilla."

Some say that I'm also kind of handy with coining new words and phrases. Here's one for you: "BROadcast." You know, "bro" as in the slang term for a dude or fellow. A BROadcast is any program aimed at the 18-to-34 year old male demographic. Consider it and weep, suckahs ...

joe ratzinger

It seems like the Catholic Church and especially the pope have been under a lot of fire lately, over the priest sex-abuse scandal. There's definitely a lot that needs to be uncovered there, and I hope that the perpetrators will eventually face justice. But I also worry that this scandal has become too much of a surrogate for general unhappiness with the Catholic Church. There's plenty there to criticize, much of it even more important than the abuse scandal, but it's hard to target a lot of it because there aren't the same kind of obvious villains involved.

I'm not Catholic, but it seems like every one of my best friends growing up came from a Catholic family. (Not by my intention - it was just the demographics of my hometown.) I was always envious of my friends for being able to get wine in church - it seemed like a pretty cool and grown-up kind of thing. And I've always thought that the Catholic Church did many good things: not just giving people hope in a troubled world etc., but all the charitable acts by its followers.

But ultimately I think there's so many things wrong with what the Catholic Church is teaching now. Let's see: I disagree with them on divorce, contraception, abortion, the role of women in the clergy and society in general, the environment (especially the church's insane advice to Catholics to keep cranking out as many kids as possible - have you heard of overpopulation???), and rock music. Probably a few other things, too. And it seems like in every case, Joe Ratzinger is pushing for the most extreme, conservative, and reproachable position possible.

Don't know who Joe Ratzinger is? How quickly we forget! That was the pope's name before he became pope. Apparently, when someone is promoted to pope, we're supposed to believe that they become semi-godlike and infallible and whatnot. Some sort of magical process, akin to the selection of the next Dalai Lama or something like that. But there was nothing holy about the way Joe Ratzinger became pope: he did all this political behind-the-scenes shit, like some German Dick Cheney, and got elected by these church buddies that he'd had promoted over the years.

And then, to complete the whole transformation, he gets to pick a special name like Most Excellent Benedict or His Royal Priestness or something. Well, he's never gonna be that to me. You're still Joe Ratzinger - always will be - and I abhor just about everything you've tried to get the church to represent. You see, I don't need the sex scandal thing to call you on all the crap you try to advance. So take that ...

lost in "Lost"

I've always thought that it's important to blog about what's important to you, so I'm gonna take a few moments to talk about "Lost." I've never seen the show "live" on prime time TV; it's been all DVD viewing. At present I'm about halfway through Season 6 (the last season), and waiting for the next DVD from the public library here in Mad City. Unlike most people, I've seen 5+ seasons within the past year, which is pretty impressive when you think about it. Also, I think my condensed viewing of "Lost" gives me kind of a unique perspective on the show.

Probably my favorite character is Kate, mainly because she's so smokin' hot. For a dangerous fugitive on the lam, she does a lot of dumb, helpless-girl kind of stuff, like constantly getting captured and forced to wear skimpy dresses (not that I'm complaining or anything - yowza!). But I can forgive that stuff, on account of her hotness.

My next favorite character, and probably the favorite if you only take character into consideration, is Desmond. He's pretty cool. He has this stranded, tragic-figure kind of air around him, which I can identify with. Also, he got to chill in that cool Hatch pad for a long time. I wish my apartment was like the Hatch. I'm working on it ...

I also like Miles. I like his attitude.

Least favorite character: probably Charlie. I actually cracked a bottle of champagne when he bought the farm. (And props to Desmond for predicting that, over and over again ...) It's a travesty that Charlie was a rock star, and yet few people have ever heard of Inflatable Bitch. I've also heard that in real life he dated Evangeline Lilly (the woman who played Kate), which angers me.

And finally, a special shout-out to Desmond's love, Penny. You're hot too, baby! Don't think I forgot about ya! But I have to show a certain degree of decorum, because your husband is probably my favorite non-Kate character.