Saturday, August 30, 2008
No Monty Python, no deal. Kiss my ass, Johnny! I'm voting for Obama.
So, I did a little Google search to try to figure out where that particular utterance might have originated. And the answer, as I expected, was thoroughly sordid. (See above.)
But to be fair, I've tried to put myself in the "shoes" of May-Treanor and Walsh. (I say "shoes" because they play barefoot! Get it?) Now, most Americans hate Bush. It's a known fact; the polls prove it. And odds are, the vixens hated him too. But what would you do if Dubya came to your workplace to say hello? Would you still hate him? Well, what if he put his arm around your shoulder, and grabbed your ass a little bit? Admit it - it'd be hard to resist that. I mean, come on: the hand that controls the button, right there.
Damn! I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it!
Well, Dubya must have made quite an impression on the ladies, because a couple days later the short one showed up next to John McCain at a pro baseball game. It reminded me of Curt Schilling on national TV back in 2004, right after the Red Sox won the World Series: "Vote for Bush!" Remember that? Well, look at him now: broken down and out of the game. And interestingly, soon after the Olympic debacle, Walsh and May-Treanor lost in the "AVP Crocs Cup Shootout" in Ohio, ending their one-year, 112-match win streak.
Friday, August 29, 2008
This is exciting! Do you think they'll make John Cleese the US Minister of Silly Walks ... or the Secretary of Defense? Will we be equipping our forces in the Middle East with holy hand grenades? (think about the cultural ramifications of that) Or maybe we'll try catapulting some cows at al Qaeda. Hot damn.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
But never again! Papa's got a brand new bag ...
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
So, if you're like me, you're probably sick of these classic rock stations doing their periodic countdowns of the "500 greatest rock songs of all time." The 400's are crowded with groups like The Bangles and Madness, and then we get to Three Dog Night, and before too long there's a steady string of Stones and Beatles and The Who and Kinks songs with a little Van Halen thrown in. You know that "Purple Haze" will be in the Top 10. And Number One is almost always "Stairway to Heaven."
I'm sick of that shit! As far as I'm concerned, "Stairway to Heaven" isn't even the best song on Led Zeppelin IV. It's a great song, and it should definitely be in the top 500 - hell, it should be in the top 100! - but Number One it is not.
Here are my rules for choosing the Number One song:
1. It's not "Stairway to Heaven."
2. It should be guitar-dominated. Rock 'n' roll lives and dies with guitars.
3. It should be in English. Sorry, "La Bamba." You too, original version of "99 Luft Balloons" ...
4. It should protest something. At the heart of rock 'n' roll is protest.
5. It should be less than 5 minutes long, preferrably even less than 4 and a half minutes long.
6. It should be recognizable even when whistled by a bad whistler.
7. It should rock.
8. It should have the word "rock" in its title.
9. Ideally, it should be performed by a legend of rock.
So here it is: "Rockin' in the Free World" by Neil Young. You can argue with me, but in vain.
And here's a surprise at Number 6: "I Melt With You" by Modern English. What an upset! They were one-hit wonders! It didn't even make the top 40 when it was released! But damn it's catchy. And that humming part: if that doesn't bring a lump to your throat, then you're not human ...
I'm gonna keep it short tonite, because it's already late and Wednesday's a busy work day for me. (But don't worry, people: even when I keep it short, I keep it real.) I'll definitely lay out some more details on my vacation and whatnot at some point here. But first, a little anecdote about my flight back:
So, I took Midwest Airlines for the first time. All in all, a good experience, especially the cost-savings part of the experience, even if I had to fly out of Milwaukee. But on the way back yesterday, I noticed early on that us passengers were being assaulted with the aroma of chocolate chip cookies. Now ordinarily, you and I will agree, that's a very good smell. But this aroma was strong: it was like Betty Crocker was in the co-pilot seat, if you know what I mean. And within about 10 minutes, I learned the source of the smell, as a flight attendant said "Excuse me, sir" and stuck two warm cookies in my hand before moving on, and before I could even think twice. I really didn't have much choice but to eat them, as they were oozing gooey chocolate everywhere and enticing me with their luscious aroma. But I can tell you one thing: I've been living in the Midwest for over a year now, and the last thing most of the people around here need is two extra chocolate chip cookies. Hell, even a bratwurst would be healthier! (Note to Midwest Air: how about firing up the grill on my next flight? If you do, I'll be your customer forever ...) And let me tell you one other thing: most of the other passengers were not having second thoughts about those cookies. If I'd been thinking more clearly, I probably could have traded mine for someone's pillow.
All right, my work for the night is done. Stay strong, people! I will be back ...
Thursday, August 21, 2008
As for the title of the blog, it has multiple meanings. First of all, I currently live in Madison WI, which is affectionately known as Mad City by many of its residents. Also, I'm the kind of person who tends to get completely outraged by things that most other people find mildly irritating. And finally ... well, that's two meanings right there. That qualifies as multiple.
This is weird! I know nobody's going to see this blog for at least another week. It's all empty and echo-y in here. I guess this is what they mean by a "phantom blog." It kind of feels ... a little spooky. So, I look forward to a vast influx of new readers in the near future.
All right, gonna keep myself company for a while.
Dooby dooby doo, exchanging glances, wondering in the night, what are my chances ...