my top 50

Several weeks ago, there was a short article in Sports Illustrated about an up 'n' coming 16-year-old Moldovan soccer player named Masal Bugduv. Somehow, the buzz around him kept building in the English media, to the point where the London Times named him among the top 50 promising players in the soccer world. But things fell apart when an alert blogger (yes, we do have a positive impact on the world occasionally) found out that Masal Bugduv didn't even exist.

There were two things that I took away from this story: one, that there really is a place called Moldova (I thought that was part of the hoax myself); and two, if you're compiling any type of a top 50, you should write about what you know.

So, a number of people have been begging me to publish my top 50 CD's of all time. I guess it started when another friend started to list his top 50 on his blog. I made some heated comments about a few of the choices, and was then told, basically, "Yeah? Can you do better?" (Not by the friend who was publishing his list, though - he's too much of a gentleman.)

And my answer in short is, "I don't know. Dammit, I don't know if I can do better." Because doing a list of the top 50 CD's is tough, man. I've been doing some prelim work on it for a while now, and it seems like every choice is fraught with second-guessing and anxiety about how my audience will respond. I'm not gonna beat around the bush about something: some of my choices are gonna shock you. And it's also difficult to compare the music of 30 years ago with the music of today! It's like comparing the baseball players of 30 years ago with the ball players of today. As we know, there's a lot more steroid use in baseball today; and the same holds true for music. Just look at that dude from Danzig.

All right, enough talk. Let's get to the rules: A) I'm gonna start from 50 and work my way down. B) Only one album/CD per musical performer/group. C) No greatest hits or compilation albums. E) Double albums get double credit. F) The Eagles are not going to make an appearance, so there's no use in waiting around for that. G) I have the final say. H) I'm going to publish 'em in bunches of 5. I) "I" stands for I get the final say. J) The only other rule is, there are no other rules.

Let the madness begin ...

winter driving

There's kind of a myth out there that people from the North instinctively know how to drive well in snow, and people from the South don't. Well, the part about Southerners may be true; but after being around Mad City for a few winters, I can tell you that Part A is a myth. We don't all have it. Now, I don't like to boast about my own winter driving abilities, for fear that I'll bring some sort of fender-bender upon myself. But let's just say I can handle my own. (I know, I know - that's what she said ...) But the same can't necessarily be said for some fellow inhabitants of the MJC.

Here's another myth: driving slow is an important winter driving skill. By definition, a skill is something that not everyone can do. And everyone can drive slow. So that's not a skill. No, here's the real skill: recognizing, during the winter, the times when you you *should* drive slow, as opposed to the times when you *don't really need to* drive slow. I can do the former, but I'm even better at the latter. Unfortunately, even when you're able to recognize road and weather conditions that would permit rapid travel, you're almost inevitably hamstrung by the knee-jerk types. Oh no! There's a snowflake! Better ease way up on the gas!

My point is, it shouldn't have taken me 15 minutes to get home tonight. It should have been more like the usual 10-12 minutes. Damn ...

getting my ass handed to me

When I started this blog, I vowed that I would create at least one entry a week, to distinguish myself from some of the riff-raff out there in the blogosphere. But the thing is, sometimes I get really busy with work and whatnot. Like this past week. It's been pretty damn busy, or what they call in Wisconsin "getting your ass handed to you." So it's been a challenge.
But guess what? I'm still finding a way to do it. Like, I think what I just wrote here qualifies as a valid entry, even if it's not quite up to my usual standards. And don't worry, Mad City-o-philes, I'll have some better stuff headed your way soon enough ...

addendum to joke of the day

Did everybody get my point there? Say somebody steals your credit card, and then they're trying to do something with it. And the merchant is like, "What's the security code?" And the credit-card thief is then like, "Oh man! It's too difficult for me to turn this credit card over and verify that 3-digit code for you!"

See what I mean? Now do you see why it's funny?

joke of the day #6

What's up with these "security codes" for credit cards? All they are is 3 extra numbers! Like, you have a total of 16 numbers on the front of the card, and then 3 extra numbers on the back. Is that really supposed to make me more "secure?" Why don't they just put 19 numbers on the front?

Hey, Master Card and American Express! Why don't you crank it up to 19? You know, like in "Spinal Tap," but with 19 instead of 11. Geez ...

freedom fries

I had some fries with my lunch today. And as I was eating them, I thought to myself the same thing I usually think when eating fries: these are good, as is. Like, I don't need ketchup on them.

It seems like everybody puts stuff on their fries. Most Americans like ketchup. The Belgians, as we know from "Pulp Fiction," enjoy theirs with mayonnaise. The Brits have a preference for malt vinegar. But to me, a plain fry is a good fry. Actually, check that: I do use salt and pepper.

But think about it: a french fry is a part of the potato, deep-fried in oil. Most things that are deep-fried are delicious! And even without ketchup or any other condiment, except salt and pepper, fries seem delicious to me. I guess I'm unique like that.

20 things I love about tj's

My life has been defined by its proximity to a Trader Joe's. Growing up in little Gloversville NY, we didn't have Trader Joe's. And there is a Trader Joe's near Amherst MA - but it wasn't there yet when I was in college! Damn! But then I moved to Seattle, and in due time I learned about Trader Joe's and started frequenting it. And it was a love affair that only grew stronger over time.

But then I moved to Burlington VT! And they didn't have Trader Joe's there! But then I moved to Mad City, and we do have Trader Joe's here. Kind of like Bogey and Ingrid Bergman in "Casablanca" - you think something's out of your life forever, and then of all the places in the world to walk into blah blah blah.

Anyhow, I started this off as my "10 things I love about tj's," but of course I couldn't stop at 10. Just like shopping there! You think you're done, but then on your way to the register you see something else you want, and then something else, and before you know it you've decided to do another loop of the store. I call it "impulse touring."

All right, enough talking. Here goes, in no special order:

1. Chipotle hummus. I love chipotle - my fickle stomach can't handle stronger peppers - and its marriage with hummus in this dish is like a match made in heaven.

2. San Francisco sourdough round. Perfect for toast ...

3. Mochi ice cream. If I were still in Seattle, I could get this shizzle at Uwajimaya. But I'm not, so I can't. Luckily, TJ's carries it. My favorite flavor: chocolate.

4. Shopping bags. Trader Joe's has the coolest, earth-friendliest, most durable shopping bags of all time. 99 cents, baby! I own 4 of them.

5. Wine. I'm actually not a fan of Three-Buck Chuck. Because you see, for like 5 bucks, you can get a bottle of something pretty damn good, like Bear's Lair Merlot, and avoid that Charles Shaw stigma.

6. Dark chocolate chocolate pretzels. Ohmigod, these are sooooo good!

7. Triple ginger ginger snaps. Ohmigod, these are sooooooooo good!

8. Barbeque chicken frozen pizza. Props to my peep B-Phat for introducing me to this little number ...

9. Stockyard oatmeal stout. All right, wait just a moment here: this beer is ridiculous. Ridiculously good, that is. It may be as good as any other stout I've ever had - I shizzle you not - but it's also cheaper than any other stout you can buy. How? How do they work this magic???

10. Civility and banter. Normally I'm not big on talking to whoever's working the register at a store. I tend to be the sullen, silent type. But the employees at Trader Joe's somehow recognize this, and respectfully engage me in enlightened, thought-provoking discourse. I trust them. They are my friends.

11. Almond butter. Almond butter is a fairly simple substance - basically, just ground-up almonds. And yet, Trader Joe's makes it so goooood, and it costs like 30-50% less than at other places. I don't know how they do this. I assume it's being produced in a Bangladeshi sweatshop. I don't really want to know. Just keep it stocked on the shelf.

12. Pure castile soap. I really like castile soap, but I feel alarmed by the religious ferocity of the labels on Dr. Bronner's soap. TJ's gives me another option.

13. Jam. Are you like me? Do you like low-sugar, no-artificial-sweetener preserves? TJ's has them, in a rainbow of flavors.

14. Peanut butter Puffins. Well, I guess technically these are made by "Barbara's Bakery," not Trader Joe's. Unless that's one of those aliases for a TJ's product, like Trader Jose or Trader Giuseppe. Anyhow, none of the other supermarkets around carry this cereal. For anyone else who gets freaked out by Cap'n Crunch (you've gotta admit, he's one scary mofo), this is for you. And get this serving size information: total carbohydrate, 23 gm. Sugars ... 6 gm! When was the last time you saw sugars account for less than 90% of the total carbs in a cereal? Amazing.

15. Chocolate-covered espresso beans. Sure, you can get these in the bulk-foods section of any ol' store. But at TJ's, they come in a cool little tub, just the right size. Proper ...

16. Chicken sausages. I was talking to some people about Trader Joe's during the Super Bowl yesterday, and one of them mentioned these. I've seen 'em in the store, just haven't pulled the trigger yet. Next time. They're in my sights.

17. One-pound chocolate bars. Another thing that's usually not on my shopping list, but my friend Dean loves these things. He'd be upset if I didn't mention them.

18. British muffins. Definitely better than the store-brand English muffins at other places.

19. Olive oil. I have no idea why the olive oil costs so much more at other places. They should do what TJ's does: pick their own damn olives, stomp 'em with their own damn feet, and sell it under the Trader Giotto's label.

20. Peanut butter-filled chocolate pretzels. There's only one way to improve chocolate-covered pretzels, and that's to drill holes in them and pump in some peanut butter.

All right, I'm sorry but my mouth is totally watering at this point. I'm gonna go clean myself up. Talk amongst yourselves or something.